In many organizations, there’s a real divide: on one side, employees (and leaders) who have weathered major adversity: personal hardship, high pressure, setbacks and on the other, those who haven’t. What often gets overlooked is that this divide can create an empathy gap, the folks who haven’t “been through it” can struggle to truly understand the others, and vice-versa.

As a leader, you’re in a unique position to both close that empathy gap and leverage it: turn it into a strength, so that your team feels both understood and motivated to push through challenges. Below are strategies to have more empathy and to simultaneously inspire and equip people to push through.

1. Acknowledge and understand the empathy gap

The first step is simply recognizing that this gap exists. While many leaders believe they prioritize empathy, far fewer employees feel it.

  • In many cases, people who haven’t faced the same level of adversity assume others “should just bounce back” or “be tougher,” because they don’t fully grasp what the other person has lived through.
  • Meanwhile, those who have been through hardship may feel isolated, unseen, or that they have to constantly prove their resilience.
  • The empathy gap shows up in many small but meaningful ways: performance declines that are “assumed to be” laziness rather than emergent burnout, lack of recognition, or misunderstanding of motivation.
  • The gap isn’t just about “sympathy” but perspective: stepping into someone else’s shoes, understanding their situation, and adjusting your leadership accordingly.

As a leader, acknowledging this gap openly and making it safe to talk about sets the stage for authenticity and connection.

2. Strategy for building deeper empathy

Once you accept that the gap exists, you can put into practice ways to deepen your empathy. Here are a few steps you can take:

a) Practice intentional perspective-taking

  • Set aside time to ask: “What might this person be experiencing that I don’t fully see?” Especially for someone who has had fewer visible setbacks, ask yourself: what internal or invisible challenges might they be navigating?
  • Work to understand each person’s full situation. What’s going on in their life? What unknown stressors might they carry? Research suggests that moving from “How are you?” to “I’d like to understand what you’re dealing with” helps build trust.
  • Check assumptions: If someone’s performance dips or they seem disengaged, don’t assume the cause. Instead ask, listen, and explore what might be underlying it.

b) Show & initiate vulnerability

  • If you’ve faced adversity, share your story. That helps those who haven’t been through similar things see you as someone who knows what it’s like. It also helps reduce isolation for those who have had it.
  • By sharing how you navigated setbacks, you help normalize the idea that adversity isn’t a failure, it’s a part of growth.
  • Use your story not just for “look what I survived,” but “here’s what I learned, and here’s how I’ll help you.” Those experience shares are far more powerful than telling someone what they should do.

c) Create safe spaces = Authentic conversations

  • Regular check-ins: make one-on-one time where the person isn’t just giving a status update but reflecting: “What’s been hard? What’s been unexpectedly good? What are you worried about?”
  • Encourage sharing: invite team members to talk about challenges they’re facing (professional or personal) in ways that feel safe.
  • Model listening: When someone opens up, respond with curiosity, not judgment or quick fixing.

d) Balance empathy with accountability

  • Empathy doesn’t mean lowering standards or avoiding difficult conversations. It means understanding what’s going on soyou can lead with clarity and fairness. Many leaders confuse empathy with leniency.
  • When you’re aware of someone’s context, you can help them with a plan: “I understand this obstacle. Here’s what we can do together to move forward.”
  • Clear expectations + compassionate support = trust and high performance.

3. Inspiring resilience and action

Empathy is foundational, but you also want to empower your people especially those facing real adversity to move forward, to feel encouraged and the confidence they need. Try a few of these approaches:

a) Frame adversity as a strength, not a deficit

  • Help re-frame the story: facing and working through challenges builds valuable strengths (adaptability, empathy, problem-solving, humility).
  • Use language that honors the journey: not “You overcome that, so now you’re fine,” but “What you faced matters. How you use that experience matters.”
  • Share examples: people on your team (or organization) who faced big setbacks and came out stronger. This gives hope and shows resilience is possible.

b) Set stretch but meaningful goals

  • Encourage these team-members to set goals that support both their current capacities and their growth potential.
  • Use small wins: build momentum through incremental wins. This helps them see progress and adds confidence.
  • Celebrate their resilience: not just the end achievement, but the “I showed up even when…” moments.

c) Provide scaffolding and resources

  • “Scaffolding” means giving extra support when someone is dealing with bigger obstacles so they can still make progress.
  • This might mean: flexible deadlines, coaching, pairing with a mentor who’s had adversity themselves, or access to resources (mental health, peer groups, skill training).
  • Let the person know: “It’s okay you’re dealing with this, and we’re going to make sure you have what you need to succeed.”

d) Build a culture of “growth through challenge”

  • Encourage stories of resilience in team meetings: spotlight when someone took on a hard situation, how they responded, what they learned.
  • Normalize setbacks: make it safe to fail, reflect, regroup. That reduces fear and builds courage.
  • Link struggle to meaning: help people see how persevering connects to their purpose, their career, and their team’s mission.

e) Use language that motivates

  • “You are capable of more than you know.”
  • “Your past has prepared you for this moment.”
  • “I believe in you.” Simple phrases, repeated authentically, matter.
  • Combine this with specific recognition of their progress so far: “I saw you handled X when things were uncertain and that shows resourcefulness and grit.”

4. Educating your team: share the philosophy

It’s powerful if your whole team understands this empathy & resilience philosophy, not just you. Here are a few ways to do that:

  • Hold a team session: talk about the “gap” between those who’ve had adversity and those who haven’t & why it matters, how it shows up, what we can do.
  • Use peer-sharing: invite someone who has navigated a challenge to share what helped them. Let others ask questions.
  • Embed into onboarding: new hires understand that your culture supports both showing up and pushing through.

5. Try to avoid

  • Performative empathy: Everyone talks about being empathetic, but when employees feel actions don’t match words, trust dissipates.
  • Assuming everyone wants the same support: Some prefer mentoring, others peer groups, others just space to self-reflect. Tailor the support.
  • Over-worrying about “fixing” the person: Empathy isn’t about doing everything for someone. It’s about being with them in the journey.
  • Neglecting your own resilience: Leaders who push empathy without self-care can burn out—and then empathy suffers. Sustainable leadership includes self-understanding.

6. Wrap-up

As a leader, you have a dual role: bridge the empathy gap and ignite the resilience in your team. When you do both, you not only create a more compassionate and inclusive workplace, but you build a team that’s stronger, more agile, and more connected who can face almost any challenge.

Here’s a quick checklist you might keep handy:

  • I’ve scheduled one meaningful conversation this week with someone about their context (not just tasks).
  • I’ve shared a story of challenge and learning—mine or someone’s on the team.
  • I’ve set or reviewed a goal with someone facing adversity, and identified support or scaffolding.
  • I’ve invited the team to reflect on how we handle setbacks and what we learn from them.
  • I’ve taken a moment for self-reflection: “What challenge have I grown from recently? How does that shape how I lead today?”

Empathy is the bridge between understanding and growth. As leaders, our job isn’t just to recognize who’s faced adversity and who hasn’t, it’s to close that gap through genuine curiosity, shared humanity, and purposeful encouragement. When we listen deeply, share our own stories, and pair compassion with accountability, we build teams that are not just kind, but capable. Empathy doesn’t make people softer; it makes them stronger because it connects struggle to meaning, challenge to growth, and people to purpose. Start small: have one real conversation this week that goes beyond performance and into perspective. That’s where true leadership begins.